Spousal Violence: Blame Poor Due Diligence, Carelessness And Blurred Biases Of Victims — Omoluabi

A cleric and marriage counsellor, Omoluabi Bode Adeyemi, better known as Omoluabi has said inability of spouses to conduct adequate due diligence on their partners to be, particularly with regards to domestic violence before walking into marriage is responsible for growing deaths arising from spousal battery.

He said a lot of persons who go into marriage do so with so much emotions, sentiments often mistaken as love, desperation, and sometimes greed, insisting that these factors blur their sound reasoning to decipher when a partner exhibits traits of violence in a marriage.

Reacting to the recent death of a gospel singer, Osinachi Nwachukwu popularly known for her song Ekwueme, Omoluabi in a Facebook post on Sunday maintained that it is a falsehood to say would-be partners hide their characters within their periods of courtship, adding that it is an excuse adduced for one’s inability to do a proper check before marriage.

Omoluabi, a Special Adviser to Gov. Yahaya Bello of Kogi State further cautioned that those intending going into marriage must avoid the mistake of settling for anyone but rather locate a partner whose lifestyle and temperament suits theirs, emphasising that there is a partner created for everyone.

He said, “I’ve always insisted that it is wrong to begin to discuss issues like this after marriage, for me this is an issue that should be meticulously settled before you say I do. I’m aware most people who go into marriage approach the decision from the angle of endemic emotions and sentiment, and once this is the case, ability to properly x-ray the partner becomes blurred and biased.

“I’ve heard many people say women/men can be pretentious before marriage, I honestly haven’t agreed with this and will never do, I think most people cover their inadequacies on how to do fact check with that fake statement. Before going into marriage, it’s impossible for the guy/lady not to have shown signs, especially that of VIOLENCE, but carelessness, lack of discernment, emotions(imaginary love) desires to get married quickly and sometimes greed have so enveloped them that they ignore such important signs.

“Another factor that makes men/women not to see these signs is the fact that they are also products of same marriage, abusive, violent or bad marriage, once they grow up seeing their parents exhibit such, they tend to see it as normal. For instance my parents, by the grace of God will be 52 years in marriage by December this year and I’m proud and also grateful to God to say that I have never seen or heard them throw hard words at each other, let alone go violent. This became a Strong factor for me while I was preparing for marriage, to the Glory of God, I will be 12 years in marriage by October and I’m bold, proud and confident to say that my marriage have only followed the pattern of my parents.

“The truth is that for every man, there is a woman created to match him, the important thing now is your ability to locate the man/woman whose idiosyncrasies, whose temperament, whose emotions and style fits yours, until you get this, don’t settle for just anyone all because you want to marry.”

While advising those in abusive marriage already to explore the option of separation, Omoluabi noted that it will not be ideal for people to lose their lives in the name of marriage which he described as an earthly affair.

He therefore called on those intending to get married to make frantic efforts to improve on their attitudes and learn the very essence of marriage, urging parents to do more to not only teach their children what a healthy marriage entails but practice same at all times.

“For those already in it and are not enjoying it, you must first admit that your selection process was faulty, then begin to work on it depending on the degree of the incompatibility. However, I must say that if it has gone so irreconcilable or violent that it has become life threatening, separation for a while isn’t a bad option, God is not against separation, it is not same as divorce. We must all know that marriage is an earthly affair and will end here on earth, don’t be too spiritual to the point of risking your life in the name of marriage, it is only the living that can marry.

“Above all, let all unmarried begin to deliberately work on themselves, change bad attitude, learn the essence of marriage, just as parents should henceforth deliberately teach their children the values of a good home, instill in them the right attitudes that makes marriage to work, be practical on your approach, behave to your wife/husband the way you will want your children treated in marriage. Above all, always have it at the back of your mind that Marriage is to be enjoyed and not to be endured” he concluded.